It took until I moved to Boston 6 years later for me to begin living as a then identified actualized gay man. My parents ignored the letter and when I confronted them was told in a very stern Jamaican Patois that I wasn’t gay and to go to my room. I wrote a pretty graphic letter to my father when I was 13 in reaction to a rather violent abusive episode in particular coming out to him out of spite I think. I think to this day I tend to fall in love pretty quickly though much more tentatively. I knew very young that I was attracted to men as I developed crushes on my friends and older male figures very rapidly early on in my childhood. I did a bit of a peekaboo I think in coming out. If one can’t understand that they can’t really know what they’re missing. I suppose it really depends on what you’re looking for what you’ll find.
In that “scene” I’ve found a family a community that supports one another and lives each other’s triumphs and sorrows. Portland has a thriving queer/trans underground that is doing amazing things. It’s a different scene here than coming from the few other cities I’ve lived like Phoenix or Boston where everyone goes to the same bar week after week. I don’t know too much about the gay community in Portland. It’s also where my greatest triumph lies because I am learning daily to adore the creature I am, to nurture self-care and to be a solid pliable strength to those who maybe aren’t quite there yet. I still fail daily at releasing the ingrained moors of a restrictive and religious upbringing, abusive family construct and learned self-loathing. Self acceptance was and is my biggest failure and also my greatest success. I had to arrive at the place of my truest self. I had to come here from some other place. Being queer is dictating my life in a way that suits me and my ultimate health and happiness. Freedom to live, love or not love in the way that I choose. Donovan, Event Production/Musician, Portland, Oregonĭonovan, in his own words: “Being queer to me is freedom. This entry was posted in Portland, Oregon and tagged coming out, kevin truong, pictures of gay men, queer, the gay men project on Septemby thegaymenproject. Just keep looking up and being as wild and queer as your heart desires, because that is your truth and it will totally set you free.” Don’t be afraid to shock or offend just because you’re in women’s clothes or your voice is high pitched. If I could give my younger self advice it would be to ignore the expectations of people whose opinions mean nothing. Maybe part of that is living on the west coast, but people are always fine with it. Actually I’ve never had a bad reaction to coming out to anyone, even as I continue to do so with new people I meet. I told most of my family when I was 18, and they were all really cool about it. So I started coming out to people when I was 17. I came back thinking “You know what? Fuck this, I’m gay and I don’t care what you people think”. Being taken out of my own element like that really helped me grow.
When I was a junior in high school though, I spent a year as an exchange student in Brazil. That stuck with me for a while and it made me feel ashamed to come out and really embrace myself. Before I even knew I was gay, people would call me a faggot and laugh at me and push me down. When I was a little boy I was very effeminate. I think that’s rare to find in a lot of other cities and it lends itself to creating some really amazing artistic experiences. The lesbians and the gays in Portland get along really well and collaborate a lot. There are so many radical and wild people doing amazing performance art and throwing these really avant-garde parties and it’s mixed. I think after spending the last ten years here and being recently single, you realize how incestuous it can feel. Gay life in Portland is lively but small. The challenge I think is approaching this diverse community of queens and queers with enough compassion and respect to leave room for everyone to feel totally accepted. Tight jeans, big hair, and a mild obsession with Tonya Harding.
#PICTURES OF GAY MEN LOOKING AT EACH OTHER HOW TO#
I only know how to do me, but you know what? I love it.
I’ve had great success at finding a really amazing queer family, but within that I’ve learned to come to terms with the relative narrowness of my own experience and to respect other people more. Being queer is kind of a ‘fuck you’ to this big hetero-normative world we live in where you are controlled by expectation. I spent so much time being reserved about myself that I feel like I wasted time. Casey, in his own words: “Being queer to me means living the life I was meant to live without reservation.